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     So the title says it all today. I feel all jumbled up. Ever feel that way? Like... I don't know what I am thinking, I don't know what I am feeling, I don't know what I want to say, heck I don't even know what I want to eat. I just don't know!! I really hate feeling this way. It makes me want to cry. Whats wrong with me? There's no real cause that equals the effect.  Am I broken or just malfunctioning today? Am I crazy? All are points that I sometimes ponder. I shall pray for clarity and understanding of myself. Maybe God can shed a little light on the matter.

In Love with a Mouse?

     People often ask me what it is that we love so much about Disney World, why we go nearly every year, and why wouldn't we want to go somewhere else. They also often say, "man, how do y'all afford that every year", assuming that Disney World costs a small fortune. So...I thought I might take a few minutes and tell you why we like to call Walt Disney World our home away from home and just how it is that we fork over the millions that it cost to visit there year after year.
     Let me begin by explaining that my love for all things Disney started out very early on but was more of a love for all things Mickey Mouse. I remember going to the world as a small child and feeling as though this mouse who wore red pants with yellow buttons was so much larger than life. He was such a happy icon, always associated with such magical things. I was right away fascinated. We visited the Magic Kingdom a couple more times as a family and I grew more in love with the place each time. We had some very close family friends who lived in Florida so our visits didn't consist of only Disney World, we actually would only get to spend one day there on each trip. I can remember what it felt like to ride Dumbo, to get autographs from all my favorites, and to watch the amazing spectacle of fireworks over the castle. It was just like another world. I loved it!
     Our family friends that I mentioned would often give me gifts with a Micky Mouse theme. I believe they gave me my very first Mickey Mouse watch, which went on to be the first in probably 30 or so. Everyone around me knew of my infatuation with Mr Mickey and began giving me Mickey themed gifts and such. Before long I had created quite a collection.
     Once I was married and with children I couldn't wait to share this love with them. I remember talking to Jeff about it before our first trip. He pretty much had a "take it or leave it"  attitude about it. My parents had decided to come along for the trip. We would be there for Luke's forth birthday. I planned every detail in depth. I knew where we would be each day, where we would eat, what we would see. Well all the planning paid off. It was a truly magical trip for all of us. Upon arrival Jeff caught the Disney bug in a bad way. He was blown away by his first sight of the castle. Luke was so fascinated by everything there and the cast members went above and beyond anything I could ever imagine to make his birthday special. We stayed on property for the first time and I vowed to never do it another way. It was just great!
     After vacation it seemed like we were just dying to start planning another trip. We just had so much that we still wanted to do. We ended up going for Luke's 5th, 7th, and 8th birthday. We took Macy at 13 months and at 2years. Once we took Uncle Matt along and two years we were on our own. Both ways have been great. We have never gotten bored with it and to be honest there's still stuff that we haven't done. Things are constantly changing there and new rides and characters have showed up each and every time.
     The most amazing part for me is seeing the world through my children's eyes. I will never forget a nervous Luke who waiting anxiously to propose to the pink ranger or waiting in line with Macy 4 times to meet Jessie from Toy Story. The looks on their faces when the fireworks crack high in the sky are forever fresh in my mind. Each year is different as the kids change so much from year to year. The memories we have made there are simply priceless...which brings me to the next topic cost.
     I began to shop around for affordable Disney back when we first wanted to go. I quickly found that off season rates were much cheaper and that free dining would occasionally be offered. We quickly booked that deal our first year not really knowing what we were getting, boy were we pleasantly surprised. The Disney Dining plan is a wonderful plan that allows you to include your food in you package price and a greatly discounted rate(even free at times). It gives you one fast food type meal, which can be something as elaborate as a half chicken and rib combo platter with two sides, one sit down meal at nearly any restaurant on property, and one snack each day for each person. You really have more food than you could ever eat. And to think it can be free...that just makes me happy. It has been so nice to not have a budget food money into your spending plan and to know that once you have prepaid for your trip you pretty much just need souvenir money. We have gone in September/October three times and December one and managed to get free dining offers every time. We have been blessed with that. We have stayed from 7-10 days and have never paid over 2000.00 or so.. Now if you ask me that's a deal for hotel, park admissions to all 4 parks for the duration of our stay, and for all of our food.
   I strongly encourage any of you that are hesitant to start planning a trip there to jump right in. I always book directly with Walt Disney travel company at DisneyWorld.com. Just go online and have a look at what they are offering under special offers. You just might be surprised. I have tons of other tips and advise if any of you do plan a trip. If any of you have any tips or insider secrets to share I would love to hear them. I love finding new ways to "plus" our trip.  I am hoping to get back to my home away from home in just a few months and think that my entire family will be coming along. Just the thought makes me smile. I'm sure I will have a full trip report for all of you. Until then...have a magical day!

Today or Tomorrow

     I often ponder the idea of time. Isn't it interesting how an hour can seem like a blink or can seem like an eternity. It boggles my mind how something so concrete can be perceived so differently. It seems as though the days that are cram packed with activity fly by and the days with nothing planned can drag on forever. Seems like the good passes quickly and the bad can linger on and on. Some people think its an age thing. They say that time goes quicker and quicker the older you get. "You just wait", they say. I beg to differ on this idea. My son who is 8 years old mentions the accelerated speed of life at least once a week. He is in disbelief at how quickly the school years are gone and how much quicker the summers pass. He often marvels at how quickly his sister has grown up. While on vacation he mentioned her being so grown several times, stating that he missed her being a baby. All this makes me wonder what the deal is. Are we so busy that we rush the time away. I once read that the days are long but the years are short. That really rang true for me. I often struggle to get through a particularly difficult work day or a day filled with two year old temper tantrums thinking that it may never pass. Then with the blink of an eye half the year has passed and the terrible twos are nearly gone. What's happening? One thing that I have noticed is that we live in constant anticipation of the future never really living in the day. I often hear people say,
"fall will be here before you know it" or "summers nearly over" when in actuality summer isn't even 1/3 of the way through. Here we are giving up on summer and moving right on in to fall when summer is just getting into full bloom. The same hold true with the holidays. We are pushed to begin celebrating months in advance which has trained our minds to live in constant fast forward. Are we missing out? Seems as though we would have to be. In our house we begin planning for a vacation 6-9 months in advance and by the time it gets here our children and us are ready to move on to the next thing, usually the next holiday. The energy and excitement has long worn off by the time the gifts are opened and the dinner is served at Christmas. All the clothes are bought months in advance for the next season some larger thinking that the kids will grow into them. We look ahead to movie openings and have read so much about them that by the time the premier comes we feel as though we have already watched the movie.  I hear myself say, Oh Macy will love that when she gets just a little older. I save mementos often thinking that Luke will cherish that someday when he's all grown up. I make lists and plans for what I want to do someday. I am beginning to worry that I am missing today and quite frankly that's all we really  have. Am I throwing out my chances at magical moments and pure fun to be a planner? to live in anticipation afraid of what I may miss out on in my future? I feel that I really have to stop. I want to try to live in today. I want to learn to soak up the present. I have been reading a book called The Happiness Project. I encourage you to check it out. It is very interesting and somewhat eye opening. It's just one woman's account of her pursuit for happiness. I find myself very different than her and realize that my happiness hinges on things other that what she writes about, but it has inspired me to open my eyes to the idea of true happiness and all that we may be missing out on. Our lives are so blessed we shouldn't miss a single moment of them. Its all been planned for us by the devine planner so we shouldn't worry so much and act as if tomorrow is riding on our shoulders. He will see to it that it all gets here in due time. I am trying to be more aware of this present moment phenomena. I will let you know how its going. What's you thoughts on the matter?

Pooh and Paradise

     Yesterday was the premier of Disney's new Winnie the Pooh movie. As I am sure most of you know I reside in a Disney obsessed household. Our shelves are strewn with book and movies and our walls are covered with all things Disney. Given that, and my childhood love of Winnie the Pooh, I was excited! Actually I have been anticipating this movie for nearly a year. When I first heard tale of it I started to calculate...July 2011 would make Macy a little over 2 and a half... the perfect age for a first trip to the movies. The light bulb went off and I was set on it, Winnie the Pooh would be Macy's first trip to the theater. How perfect for a Disney Family. In my mind I thought, she can always have that story and hopefully the magical memory of our perfect little trip to see Pooh.
     I started prepping her weeks ago talking non-stop about Pooh. She got a new plush rabbit to take along and she's been sleeping with him and taking him to daycare nearly everyday. It would be perfect!
     Yesterday was the big day. I was excited all day, telling all my patients that I was taking our daughter to see Winnie to Pooh. I quickly finished up my work and rushed home to take a quick nap since I hadn't slept much the night before. I left Macy at daycare while I did this because I figured she would get her nap out there better. Jeff picked up Luke and Macy  on his way home from work, he too was excited.
     When the door opened I realized that this day may not go as I had planned. Macy was crying! Actually Macy was screaming. She looked all bedraggled and was upset that she hadn't gotten to ride her bicycle at daycare as she was promised. Luke looked tired and dirty as well. I just had a yuck feeling. By the time Jeff did his evening bathroom stuff that takes about 2 hours (don't ask) it was nearing 5 o'clock. The movies started at 6:45 so we were forced to change the plans from going to a nice theater to going to cinemas 8. The kids would have to have dinner of course. After struggling to get everyone ready I have about 30 seconds to get myself ready, as usual, and we headed out the door.
     We hadn't even made it to the crossroads when we realized that Macy was asleep. Ah ha, just as I suspected she hadn't taken a nap at all today. She was out cold! By this point Luke had pretty much lost all interest in seeing Pooh as he had suffered the brunt of me trying to psych Macy up for it. He was dead set on getting a Pokemon tin at FYE. If he didn't mention it 50 times he didn't mention it one. He just couldn't let it go. I silently began to laugh at myself, what had I expected?
     After waking Macy and dragging her out of the car crying we had a quick dinner at Macados. Macy dropped half of her grilled cheese on the floor and Luke dumped the entire bottle of ketchup on his hot dog. Our dinner conversation was a short tutorial given by Luke on telling the difference between a water type and plant type Pokemon character. Macy whined throughout and got hurt approximately 5 times.
     Finally it was time to head to the movie. Wouldn't you know it, the animal shelter was set up showing some of their cutest puppies and furriest kittens. Way to distract all the little minds and hearts animal shelter. Luke immediately ran over to cuddle the puppies, seeing as he loves all dogs other than his own. Macy began to cry to look at the puppies instead of seeing the movie. By this point I was growing tired and frustrated, all I wanted to do was have the perfect evening with the perfect family seeing the perfect movie making our perfect memories, was that too much to expect?
     The movie was great and all who sat near us were entertained by Macy's commentary to the movie. She sat well for a 2 year old only distracted once by peeing her pants then telling bubby about it very loudly. He replied with , "I understand that Macy, I hate going to the bathroom during the movies". I couldn't help buy smile.
     After the movie Luke quickly ran out to the lobby to see the shelters display. I gathered our trash and put in the large can by the backdoor. When I turned around I noticed Jeff and Macy had walked all the way up front to the screen. They were dancing around waving to the characters and "Winnie the Pooh" the song played in the background. There it was, my picturesque memory, my moment. It happened despite all distractions and despite me.
     That's how life is. Many of our best moments are wrapped up in a bunch of nonsense, a bunch of frustration. We just have to grab that little moment and hold onto it and let the rest go.  I hope to tell Macy of her first trip to the movies someday, I'm just not sure exactly how I will tell it, guess we'll see.

Thoughts of a Friend

     Since I just started this blog I can think of a thousand things to write about. I'm sure that will quickly die off and my post may become more scattered. For now though I am inspired and excited about writing so I will take advantage of all my ideas and thoughts. You may all get sick of hearing from me. What to discuss?
     The past few weeks of my life have been both great and tragic. With the passing holiday we ventured out on a family vacation. When I say family, I mean all of our family. My children got to experience vacation with both sets of grandparents. I suspect that that is a rare happening. It was a wonderful time and fun was had by all. We allowed Luke to take a friend on vacation for the first time and I think they made some wonderful memories they will cherish for a lifetime. I, as always, reveled in the sights and sounds of family vacation. I love seeing the adventure through my children's eyes. It was exciting seeing some of the rides with Macy since she has just grown tall enough this year to ride many of them. Hearing her squeal in delight on the small coaster or giggle nonstop as the shooting star would rise up and down will forever be burned into my brain. Those are moments when you realize what a blessed life you have and give God a "Thank you".
     Even though the sights and sounds of vacation were all around me and I was surrounded by so many people I love I kept finding myself hiding behind my sunglasses. I seemed to have a river of tears that I just couldn't shake. For the most part no one noticed, but Jeff did from time to time. Luckily he knows me well and I didn't have to do much explaining. He understood that I had been very effected by the death of a good friend.
     It was just 4 days  before vacation when I received the message. It was such a simple message. No more than 10 words, but it cut right to the heart. It only said that a friend of mine had died and that drugs were the cause. Wow, I didn't know what to think.  I had known him well for the better part of my life, actually about 28 years. We grown up less than a mile apart and gone through every grade of school together. We had spent countless days playing together as children on my trampoline or swimming in our pool We had graduated from kindergarten, 8th grade, and high school together . We had became teenagers side by side and watched each other grow into young adults. We talked so much. I felt like I knew everything about him and I am sure he knew everything about me. We shared many secrets. He was a cousin to my very best girl friend so that brought on much more shared time. She and I would sneak into his window late at night to watch movies or just talk silly teenager talk.
     He was a good guy. He wanted stuff out of life. We used to talk about how our lives would be when we were grown. He was a hard worker, mowing nearly every lawn in my home town weekly. He was a loyal friend to many. He was very self sufficient, somewhat taking care of himself, being raised for the most part by his grandparents. I thought the world should look out for him. I imagined that he would end up with the happy little blond haired blue eyed family. As much as I hate to say it, I was so wrong.
     After graduation I went off to college and he stayed around home. We kept in close contact the better part of my first two years of school. I would always go by his house to give him a full report on what was going on in my world and he would come to visit and attend occasional events with me. I remember seeing Lynard Skynard together and the outdoor drama Hatifelds and McCoys. That was the last few times we actually ever hung out. Our visits became fewer and further between. I had heard through the grapevine that he was getting married and was gonna be a Dad. I was excited for him, but don't recall ever talking to him about it. I hate that. I never congratulated him on becoming a father.   From there pretty much all I ever got was hear say and the hear say was not good. I heard that his marriage went awry and that he was rarely seeing his daughter and later that he had developed quite the drug problem. It was confirmed when I saw him at my high school reunion and he was hardly even recognizable. He seemed like an entirely different person. I had spoken highly of him to my husband and Jeff was so surprised upon meeting him. I assured him that he was a good person despite his present situation and demeanor.
     I guess it was about two months ago that I received a late night facebook message from my friend. He wrote to inquire on how I was and to reminisce about our many adventures together. He spoke specifically about 4 wheeling, swimming and long talks. He spoke about what I written in his year book. He said, "In my yearbook you wrote that I was a good listener. Well I want you to know that I still am a good listener." That was my confirmation. He was the same person! He wanted to be good just as the rest of us do. I felt as though he was telling me that he was still him. That got me thinking.  Our choices and circumstances do change things about us and may change all outward appearances and expressions of us, but deep inside we are the same. We are always that child that has dreams and wishes, fears and scars. We are always that innocent little baby that our Mommas once held so gently. We are always us. I don't know how much sense that makes and I really don't know how to explain it, all I can say is that...we are always just us.
     That's what I took away from this death. That's what I am trying to use as inspiration. I am aiming to be more tolerant, more forgiving, more understanding, more willing to reach out, less self righteous. I am trying to rekindle some old friendships and strengthen some existing ones. After all, that's what were here for, relationship, to build connections and to love each other despite our differences . I can't help but believe that love was Gods plan for us. Maybe this death will not be wasted. Maybe everyone who knew him can be inspired to do the same. Don't let one more day go by without acknowledging that we have all chosen different roads and some have made some poor choices that lead to great destruction, but in the end we are all still just us, and that's what we should love.
     So I am trying to dry up my tears and enjoy every moment with the ones that I love. I hope to move forward a better person thanks to the stamp that was left on me by a dear friend. May you RIP my dear friend. I always knew you were a good listener.
    

My Life

     I guess I should start by bringing everyone up to speed on me and my life. What better place to start than May 24, 1977. Yeah, that's the day I was born. This day might have seemed tragic to some, as I was born to a girl who was barely 17 years old and stuck in somewhat of a yucky situation. She tells me that I changed her life for the better. I have always loved hearing her say that. From my point of view she was way to young to be having a baby, but man I am thankful that she did. I was born early in the morning, maybe that's where the Dawn part of my name came from, I've never really asked. I know Melissa came from a friend that she admired at her school. Speaking of school, I guess at that time pregos were not a good reflection on the school so my momma was forced to drop out. She turned out to be anything but a drop out though. That woman has more drive than anyone I have ever known and has accomplished much more than the average Jane in her 50 years. Anyhow, she brought me home and loved me to pieces as far as I can remember. My mother dealt with some big changes in the first year of my life, some changes that made me just who I am. I am amazed that a 17 year old could have coped with all that was going on and still have grown into becoming a Mommy. The year ended up with me getting an unbelievable Dad and some years later an amazing baby brother. Boom, there ya have it, the Cline Family.  Our life was wonderful, at least it always was from my point of view. I think they all would say the same. Our house was always filled with love. If I didn't hear "I love you" a hundred times a day, I haven't heard it once. I had a wonderful childhood full of fun, love, learning, and adventure. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
     Flash forward, I now have my own family. I married a great man, who is a wonderful father to our two fantastic children. I try and harbor that same feeling of love in my house that I grew accustomed to in my early years. My prayer is that my children will have warm feelings when they reminisce someday as I am now...guess we will see

Here goes!

     Hello World. Here goes nothing. I have been intrigued by the "blog craze" for sometime now and have secretly been wanting to hop onboard. Last night I was thinking and wondering what was stopping me. Fear? Fear of what? I have loved writing since a very early age and have been longing to get back to it. Young writers was always such a highlight for me during the school year. I used to spend hours writing letters. Seems like social media has pretty much done away with the art of letter writing, why not just poke someone? I miss writing. I want to get back to it. I want to better document this wonderful life God has given me. I want to share my ideas, my frustrations, my blessings, my funny stories with the world, even if no one ever reads them. At least I will have gotten it down on paper/screen and will have worked on some writing skills too. My hope is that those who do read will take it for what it is. Thoughts and feelings and memories of today. Our view can change from moment to moment as quickly as the weather, so don't judge or hold me to my ramblings. They will be just that, ramblings. I will ask for forgivness in advance for my many spelling errors or gramatical mistakes. I am a busy mother with little time to proof read and such, plus that would just take the fun out of it.  So...enjoy if you will or look the other way if you wont. This is just a little project for me, but your all welcome to come along.